Best Friend or Lover?


You have a childhood best friend of the opposite sex. Let’s say you guys have been friends for a little over 7 years. You’ve recently gotten into a new relationship. It’s been about 2-3 months. Your significant other isn’t cool with you and your best friend’s relationship. Your significant other gives you an ultimatum: me or your best friend… what do you do?

I’ll tell you how I’d handle the situation.

Am I going to end the relationship with my best friend to keep my relationship with my significant other?

There's actually no simple answer to this question. I’m going to tell you a few thoughts that are running through my head right now.

1. 2 MONTHS?! You mean to tell me we’ve only been together for 2 months. That's a little soon for you to expect me to just forget about my best friend. But but but.. there are some relationships that move fast. Some men propose within 6 months, so in that case, I’ll think about it.

2. Hypothetically speaking, I choose my best friend over my relationship. What do I do when he gets into a relationship? I’m lonely and not to mention single.. welp! I can't possibly think my best friend and I would communicate as much when he gets into a relationship. (I can speak on this based off of my experiences)

3. I’m sure any person I’ve had a friendship with for 8 years would understand. I would never completely abandon that friend. I would still be there if he seriously needed something. Good friends will ALWAYS understand and will ALWAYS be there.

“So, I’ve chosen my relationship. Why?”

I think I would value my relationship and my significant other’s opinion enough to consider it. Will we have a long conversation about it? Yes. Will it continue to be a conversation in our relationship until we come to a solution? Yes.

Do you think a person is insecure if they give you this type of ultimatum?

Insecure? Sure. Most of the time it’s not a lack of trust in you that drives your significant other to tell you not to be friends with a childhood friend. It’s jealousy or a lack of trust in your friend of the opposite sex, not you (normally). Significant others may be jealous of the experiences you guys have shared growing up or even as adults, although that is something that can't be changed. Your significant other may be jealous of you sharing yourself emotionally with someone of the opposite sex, or sharing parts of yourself that you aren’t sharing in your relationship. I think that it’s completely natural to feel that way. It’s definitely a conversation that should be had and put into different perspectives.

Anyways, I find that more women give these “rules” than men, so there's that.

“Also, everyone’s childhood friend isn’t just a friend, which is an entirely different conversation.”

Let’s start a conversation. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Be sure to leave a comment below about what you would do in this situation.

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